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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23756587">if you must die, remember your life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/joe_mama/pseuds/joe_mama'>joe_mama</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Amy Santiago Loves Jake Peralta, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Coma, Gunshot Wounds, Hospitals, Hurt Jake Peralta, Hurt No Comfort, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of surgery, Sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:00:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>629</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23756587</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/joe_mama/pseuds/joe_mama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy and her son, Leo, visit dad in the hospital.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if you must die, remember your life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i'd read this listening to You by Keaton Henson bc it always gets me in the feels :'(</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     It's crazy, Amy ponders, how life is such a huge thing for every single living being, yet, sometimes, it's taken for granted. You could be the happiest you've ever been and it could all be taken away from you so, soul-crushingly fast.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her still foggy thought trailed back to her husband who had been shot in the line of duty and was comatose in the hospital, completely unresponsive. The perps had managed to escape, those bastards. After shooting Jake in the upper stomach and leaving Amy sobbing at his side, they had run off into the darkness of the city. She still felt the warm blood -his blood- gushing through her fingers and soaking his button-up shirt, the dark red stain that had later dried into an unpleasant brown had seemed to keep growing and growing unmercilessly. He had coughed out a few attempts of a sentence before passing out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Mom?" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Amy snapped out of her trance and looked down to see big chocolate eyes staring up at her, a young, innocent cluelessness shining in them. He really had gotten Jake's eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yes, Leo?" Amy asked softly, getting off of the chair and kneeling in front of him. He tugged at a loose string on the sleeve of his sweater.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Where are we going?" He asked, turning his gaze back up at her. Amy felt her breath catch in her throat and her heart stutter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Um," she started slowly, "we're going to see daddy." She wasn't lying, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him Jake wouldn't even be awake. Leo's face lit up, his wide, toothy smile a carbon copy of his father's. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Really? He's awake?!" The four-year old asked excitedly, eyes widening like plates over his chubby face. Amy softly shook her head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No, baby, he isn't awake- wait, who told you about him?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leo looked away guiltily, toeing the floor like a puppy who was found chewing up a shoe. "Aunt Gigi," he murmured.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Gina, of course</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Amy sighed and bit her bottom lip. "What did she tell you?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leo looked up at her. "She told me dad is asleep because he got veeery tired at work."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Amy chuckled softly. "Yeah," she whispered. "You can take the drawing of him if you want. So you can show it to him when he wakes up."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But, honestly, she didn't really believe her own words.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>     Karen was there when the two arrived. She was reading a book and sitting on one of the scratchy sofas in the room as Jake laid peacefully on his bed. She closed the book when she saw Leo run into the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Leo!" She said happily, chuckling when he practically ran into her and wrapped his short arms around her shoulders. "How're you doing, kiddo?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Good," he replied. "Is that daddy?" He asked, standing on his tippy-toes to peek over the side of the bed. Amy shared a quick hug with Karen and picked leo up, sitting him down on the edge of the bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yup, that's him," she said, failing to hide the heartbreak finding its way into her voice. Leo took his shoes off and tossed them onto the floor below before crossing his legs and turning to his dad. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You happy to see him?" Karen asked softly, her hand running up and down Amy's arm. Leo pressed a finger to his lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Shh! You'll wake him up," he whispered, turning back to his dad. "He'll wake up when he isn't tired anymore. If we wake him up, he'll be grumpy!" His palm covered his mouth, muffling his soft giggles. Amy smiled, heart melting. She sat down next to her son and placed a kiss on Jake's forehead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"We don't want a grumpy dad on our hands, don't we?" She whispered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry not sorry :/</p></blockquote></div></div>
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